The story...

For the past couple of days, I've been feeling dark inside. It's whole darkness inside me that no one is there, only me and I can scream, cry but no one can listen to me. It's like MALIVORE(Reference: Legacies(tv series)). There's a black pit built inside me and it is stinking really bad and it's eating me from inside. As days go by, I'm one step closer to desiccate myself. Every minute of my life that I spend, I wanna quit it. All I want to do is just...fucking QUIT!!! Every day past by I wanna kill myself but the point is I can't because I'm a fucking VIRGIN BRAH!!!!! and whenever I think I'm gonna quit and die all I can see is my family that there only hope is me...Yes, I have a sister too but you know...she's going to marry and rest you know. JK. She is really talented but as an elder child, I have some responsibilities. All of this happening inside me but I can't tell anyone because one way or another if someone thinks the things are getting out of hand now they'll tell my parents. And I don't want that. Because they have a lot going on in their life too. For starters, our family we are in huge debt, that we have to pay and the list will go on and on and on...

I'm desiccating brah...

 In the process of that, I hurt some of my close friends too. Kind of betrayed them. But the person I hurt the most is my brother from another mother. We actually sort of swore that we will do and submit our works together but sometimes I did first and he left alone because he is waiting for me to do it together. Point is not about submitting the work, the point is to live up and stay up to your commitment and word. He also taught me that. He actually more like a brother to me. I can share anything with him without any hesitation but for the past couple of days, I can't do any of the things to him. As I know him, I can tell that he is angry with me. But I can't blame him or anybody for that, because that's my doing. I can't blame any of it because that's my choice. As a very wise person has said, that if someone ask you to point a gun at someone's head and pulls the trigger. That's your decision whether to do it or not. He teaches me a lot of great life lessons including SEX EDUCATION!...yesss and how to behave, how to talk and so many things which is nearly uncountable. The most important lesson, that I'm going to share is...

don't make excuses and develop your skills

Still, I love you bro and you know that. And I also that you love me to bro.

 because excuses are for PUSSIES!!! And I know myself I'm no pussy...yes I love that but I'm not...(NO OFFENCE). 

Feels like it.

  

Because of my inside darkness. I have stopped working anymore. I sit in front of my mobile and watch the fucking youtube videos. I'm Frustrated with my lifestyle, I'm frustrated with my college and most of all I'M FRUSTRATED WITH ME. I'm actually on the verge of destroying my career and my life. In this moment of my life, I didn't even love a girl and I don't have a girlfriend too. FUCK! 

I have no career and I have no girlfriend. SHIT!! XD XD XD. I wish that somebody pick a fight and either he beat me to hell or I beat him to hell. I'm not afraid of this but I want to do something big and helpful and cheerful in my life. To do that, I have to work but as you know......

  To be honest, I have the fire, I have the wrath of fire inside of me burning like Liverpool is right now...But somehow, it won't come out. My friend that I discussed above, He told me that I have the thing, I have the fire. But somehow, it blows away. I not succeeding in anything, Whenever I sit and do my precious work, I found nothing or some non-valuable things. I have wasted so much of my time.

Looking at the satrs, listening to universe laugh at me.

  To list down my problems...

• I'm dark inside.
• I'm actually dark(my complexion).
• I'm Virgin.
• I'm unemployed
• I have no fucking girlfriend brah...

 But I'm will not anymore. There is a great phrase that I heard...

After every darkness, the sun will rise again.

Now, I have decided that from now on I will be more productive. I will work and sweat until the sun rises again. I don't wanna give excuses because 

We are responsible for our own problems.

After that, I'm gonna be receiving many calls and messages. Par aab kya Karun...

Apne pairon pe khud kulhari mara hai jo...